The Wolverine Hunter
by WolvieGal
Summary: you've heard of the crocodile hunter? the nature show where steve irwin hunts and studies the lifestyles of dangerous animals, well what happens when jubilee tries to hunt wolverine the same way? courtesy of Netlady and the wolverine and jubilee storyboar


Authors in order of addition:  
Netlady  
Jo the Phoenix  
Lateo  
Spark  
TygerTiger  
Slyphia  
HuskPG  
  
  
The Cameraman tripped over his own foot.  
  
"Oof!" He grunted, barely saving the camera from it smashing against the cold Canadian dirt. "Be careful with that camera Bobby! I have to return it in two days." Jubilee scolded.   
  
"Gambit don' wan to have t' pay for de replacement." He said, his finger twitched. Bobby mumbled. "Is this on? Okay."   
  
Jubilee cleared her throat and brushed off the dirt from her dark blue suit that accentuated all of her curves. She jumped into introductions with as much enthusiasm as a can of chunky pineapple.   
  
"Good day! I'm Jubilation Lee and this is Remy LeBeau, and we're hunting the elusive Wolverine!" Remy sidled up next to Jubilee for camera space.   
  
"Oui, we are in de Canadian forests-"   
  
Jubilee shoved him back. "Shush! We all agreed that I would be the narrator since I can't understand a word you say." Gambit frowned and allowed her to continue.   
  
"Now there was a sighting only two days ago about a short big-foot-like creature from a nearby household, and we're hoping it's the Wolverine." Jubilee, Gambit and Bobby both began to trek into the wilderness.  
  
"What we plan to do is to lure the Wolverine into a small clearing we have prepared. He would then be drugged, tagged and inspected. We hear this creature enjoys Cigars, beer and women so," She said, holding up a package of cigars. "We're hoping this will do the trick."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Hours of tiresome walking later, Gambit broke the silence. "Mon dieu!" He pointed ahead and Jubilee gasped. They both ran ahead, leaving bobby to chase after them, the camera bouncing dizzily with each step. "Look at this here." Jubilee said, lifting it up so Bobby could zoom in. "Canadian light. Beer cans."  
  
"We be close, oui?" Gambit put a finger in one of the cans and then licked it. "Cold. Fresh."  
  
"Look!" Jubilee jounced ahead a few meters and plucked something off of a bush. It was a small bit of red fluff. "Flannel! We're close, gentlemen! Is that camera on?" She smiled sunnily into the camera, "Indisputable evidence that the elusive Wolverine is CLOSE!!! Beer cans and flannel. We must be cautious." She suddenly hushed. "This species has incredible scent and hearing abilities...I'm surprised he hasn't found us by now."  
  
Both Gambit and Bobby peered around anxiously....expecting at any second a rattling of bushes and a roar. The camera panned back and forth over the brush. "Merdi, what was dat?" Gambit whispered.   
  
"Oh, We seem to have found its nest. We must approach with caution. The Wolverine is a shy and territorial creature" Jubilee said into the camera.  
  
"What the hell are you kids doing out here?" Wolverine jumped down from the tree he sat in.  
  
"Oh, the creature senses our presence. Its important we don't startle it, because that might disturb our study of its natural behavior."  
  
"Jubilee!" Wolverine said.  
  
"I will now try to approach the creature"  
  
"Cajun will you please tell me WHY you, Popsicle and Jubes are out here, with a camera, in suits?!"  
  
"It seems to be attempting to communicate with us." Jubilee said cautiously approaching him.  
  
"Jubes," He started. She turned back to the camera and put up a finger to her lips shushing them. Logan looked at them like they were crazy.   
  
"Jubilee, didn't you say that the wolverine was known to like cigars, beer and women?" Bobby said.  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Then maybe you shouldn't approach it."  
  
"It? I been called a lotta things in my life and 'it' ain't one o' my favorites." Logan said.  
  
"Oui chere. Let de man do de man's job, non?" Gambit said ignoring him and turning to face Bobby with the camera. He also failed to notice the quick motions of the wolverine behind him.  
  
"I guess that leaves you holding the camera then, huh Cajun?" Bobby said.  
  
"What, you t'ink you can do better?"  
  
"Umm, I think we should help Jubes." Gambit turned to see what Bobby had just seen through the lens of the camera. The wolverine now stood with one arm snaked around the waist of a ragdoll Jubilee, who unlike a ragdoll was yelling and kicking all the while, and the other arm extended pointing claws toward the two hapless men.  
  
"Ya wanna play animal? Then here ya go. Me Logan. Jubes mine. Now get lost." With that he turned and ran off into the woods chuckling.   
  
Bobby jumped back at the sight of the claws and was almost about to run for the border and Gambit was somewhere in the middle, not exactly wanting to further irritate the ferocious creature but not wanting to abandon Jubilee.  
  
Jubilee tried to squirm from his grasp. Once an arm was free she cupped the side of her mouth and shouted. "Come ON you sissies! Tag him!!!" She pointed to his ear. Bobby jumped and then dug into his pocket and bringing out a small orange gun, gave it to Gambit.   
  
Gambit took it and pointed the small tranquilizer to Logan's turned back. Logan was walking away with Jubilee flung over his shoulder. "I can' chere! You in de way, he have to drop you!"   
  
"Well get his attention...still got the cigars?" Bobby put down the camera gently..."cigars, cigars..." He felt up and down his pockets...no cigars...Gambit was smoking them!!! "GAMBIT! Those are for Wolverine!" He snatched it from his mouth, all the while Jubilee and Logan were farther off. Bobby whistled. "Here Wolverine, here boy!!! Want a cigar??" He waved it about and Logan turned.   
  
He stared at the cigar for a second. The corner of his mouth twitched in thought. But if he wanted the cigar...then he'd have to drop the woman. He glanced at her, who hung over his shoulder, and then back at the cigar. He whimpered. How could he choose?  
  
Bobby flung the cigar. "Go get it!" Logan watched as it was flung through the air. No!! It will hit the ground!! He dropped Jubilee suddenly and grabbed it. "Thanks, bub." He said, and turned back to Jubilee who was rubbing her rump. "Now, Gambit!"  
BLAM! The gun went off, and Jubilee blanked out. "What the...?" Wolverine gasped, seeing Jubilee blink once, twice, and then pass out. He ran to her.  
  
Snikt! "Oh sh*t!" Bobby shrieked. "You missed you stupid...!" He snatched the gun away from Gambit and aimed it at Wolverine. BLAM! It went off a second time, implanting itself in Wolverine's rump like a deer.   
  
His claws slid back in side his forearms and he howled in anger as the pain surged through him momentarily. Then he shook his leg, and with it shook out the numbness. "That ain't gonna last long on me ya know." He reached down towards Jubilee, still with an eye on the two men. They inched towards him as he laid her out a little more comfortably on the ground allowing them to approach his striking range. Then he growled. SNIKT. He lurched at them and Bobby dropped the gun. "It'll last a lot longer on you!"  
  
He grabbed the gun Bobby had dropped and shot both of the men with it. BLAM BLAM. They slunk to the ground in one large pile of limbs, topped with a camera like a cherry on an ice cream sundae. Logan chuckled at the sight, picked the cigar back up, thrust it between his teeth, then ran back to Jubes, whom he picked up with care and ran away with.   
  
***  
"Jubes darlin' wake up. That's it. Now you gonna tell me what this is all about?"  
  
"Umm, Wolvie?"  
  
"Still too groggy eh? Ya know girl, you've done a lot of strange things, but this maybe takes the cake." Then under his breath. "At least until next week."  
  
"Wolvie what am I--?" Then she looked down at her clothes and remembered. "My camera, my crew where are they?"  
  
"Jubes-"  
  
"Wolvie where are they?"  
  
"I left 'em to take a nap." He chuckled. "A long nap. Don't worry they're fine. My scent is all over 'em. No other animals will go near 'em till they wake up. Maybe even after that."  
  
Jubes tried to stand, wrestling free of Wolvie's hold on her. He laughed at her as she struggled like a newborn deer to get her legs beneath her. She began furiously patting her pockets and pulled out a micro tape recorder.   
  
"I have just woken to find myself in what appears to be the lair of the wolverine. My camera and crew are gone, apparently I was accidentally hit with a tranquilizer dart, which I surmise that the wolverine has adapted to his own use. The place is under a large coping of tightly packed trees surrounded by brush, and is permeated with a musky scent distinctly associated with the wolverine. It is not wholly unpleasant." She paused to breathe deeply, taking it in. "Definitely not unpleasant."  
  
"Jubes what are you doing?" She turned around to face him so quickly that she fell over. Logan caught her. "You'd better be careful and start explaining what is going on here darlin'. Get that thing outta my face and talk to me."  
  
Jubilee gasped. "It spoke again. It seems to be trying to communicate with me. And it seems totally curious about the goings on here and my intentions. The wolverine is known to like women so I have to wonder if its protective stance over me is because it thinks it has chosen me for a mate."  
  
"Are you still playin' animal?" Logan asked. Jubilee just looked back at him with wide eyes. "Well why didn't you say so in the beginning? I like to play. Mate huh? Well then I guess I better play my part. Me Logan. You Jubes." He leaned towards her and sniffed her neck. Logan hungry."  
  
Jubilee suddenly got very stiff. "I believe that perhaps he intends not to claim me as his mate but to make a meal of me instead."  
  
Logan repressed his laughter as he reached behind him for a chicken drumstick, taking a bite with his face still very near to Jubes's.  
  
Just as Jubilee relaxed, realizing the wolverine's intent, he said, "Jubes hungry?"  
  
"Should I attempt to communicate with it? Yes."  
  
"Yes? Eat chicken. Logan has more." He said and practically stuffed the leg he'd already bitten off of into her mouth leaving her to hold it with her teeth.   
  
She removed it with one freed hand and operated the recorder with the other. "It keeps calling itself Logan. Perhaps in its language that is its designation." She handed the chicken leg back to him and he inspected it, and then her. When he breathed on the side of her neck she giggled. "Stop. That tickles."  
  
"Tick-llls?" he repeated. "Jubes mean like this?" And he grabbed her, pinned her down and tickled her so she dropped the recorder--still recording--to the ground beside her as she furiously fought and laughed by turns.   
  
***  
Bobby woke up first. "What? Huh? Owww! Ugh. Cajun? Cajun get offa me!"  
  
"You de one on me, mon ami. You move."  
  
"Come on let's just get up and go find Jubes. Gambit! Where's Jubes?"  
  
"I don' know."  
  
"Then we definitely better find her. There's no telling what that beast might have done to her. Killed her, ate her--"  
  
"Claimed her as his mate," Gambit added without thinking much of it.  
  
The two of them looked up at each other as they realized the possibilities. "JUBES!!!!"  
  
"Emma's gonna have my hide...again." Bobby whined.  
  
"What de petit don' know can' hurt her. Now move!"  
  
An hour and a half later as Bobby and Remy were stumbling upon the lair of the Wolverine, they found pieces of blue cloth, shredded blue cloth.  
  
"Umm Gumbo, wasn't Jubes wearing blue today?"  
  
"Oui. An' it looked good on her no?"  
  
"Much better on her than in pieces on the ground!"  
  
"What you say mon ami?"  
  
"Look I found her tape recorder!" Bobby grabbed it and rewound it. Then played back the last few minutes. "Oh Hank's stars and garters. He's killing her and we have it here on tape. Just listen to her struggling and moaning and crying. I can't listen anymore." And he shut it off.  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
"Yes I heard it all Cajun. She's dead, and when Emma finds out I'll be dead. At least the camera's still in one piece--"  
  
"No, mon ami, not that. That?"  
  
A growl carried down to them from the branches above just before Jubilee came swinging by on a vine.  
  
"Me Jubes of the Jungle." There was a hoarse whisper behind her. "Like, I mean Me Jubes of Canada. You in my home. Get Lost!"   
  
"Umm, Jubes, you okay?" Bobby asked.  
  
She had disappeared into the trees over head again. "Petit, come on out an' we'll take you back home."  
  
"Jubes is home."  
  
"Jube, listen, I know you're buddy-buddy with the little guy, but your home is the Massachusetts academy." A growl came from some unidentifiable place in the trees. "Or- or the mansion, you know, as soon as you're done with school. So be a good Jubilee and come on down."  
  
She dropped out of the trees right down on top of Bobby. She put her face very close to his and stared at him unblinking. "Jubes IS home. Where Wolvie is Jubes is home."  
  
"Well at leas' she's alive, non? Mebbe is time we get back to de mansion. By de way, nice outfit Petit." Gambit eyed her up and down. Suddenly a claw appeared at his throat. On the other end of that claw was a growling Wolverine, who for a moment found himself distracted by the same picture as the Cajun. Jubilee stood up and looked back at the two men admiring her. What was left of her blue suit was twisted and torn into a single shoulder strapped style Jane-of-the-Jungle outfit.   
  
The wolverine looked back at Gambit, who was drooling. He turned the Cajun around and started shoving him out of the clearing under the tree tops.  
  
Bobby started to think quick. "Umm Jubes how about you and the wolverine come visit us in the mansion for a while? Did I mention that wolverine was coming?"  
  
Wolverine looked at him with a cocked eyebrow reminiscent of a certain hot Australian movie star who looks really good unshaven and wearing leather.  
  
Bobby jumped up as Wolverine dropped the Cajun. He threw an arm around the slightly confused but suspicious Wolverine leading him back toward the car, and on to the mansion. Jubes trotted along behind them.  
  
Gambit dusted himself off then turned the camera to face himself. "We have jus' encountered the ev'n mo' elusive female of the wolv'rine species, comm'nly called de jubilee."   
  
***  
"Maybe we should make this dinner a picnic?" Jean said as she watched Logan chase Jubilee around the dining room table throwing the breadsticks and rolls at each other and growling.  
  
"But it's raining, Jean." Bobby said.  
  
"Since when has the weather ever been a problem for the X-Men? We have currently residing under our collective roof a weather goddess."  
  
"A weather goddess with a massive headache who not 20 minutes ago loaded up on half a bottle of Nyquil. We won't be seeing her conscious again for the next week or so."   
  
Bobby thought he heard a curse come from Jean, under her breath, but he couldn't be sure. "Well, we have Rogue don't we? And if Ororo is really that tired she won't mind the extra sleep. In fact we don't even have to tell her..."  
  
"Jean! I'm shocked! Are you trying to be devious?" Bobby held a hand to his chest feigning disgust.  
  
"I'm sorry--"  
  
"Don't be" Bobby said and winked. "I like it. I'm proud of you." He slapped her on the back of the shoulder and headed for the door. "I'll go find Rogue. So are you that worried about your grandmother's china?"  
  
The unmistakable sound of a plate crashing to the floor dragged the attention of both mutants toward the dining room again.  
  
"Rogue!!" They both shouted, Bobby running out the door, Jean running into the dining room.   
  
***  
"They absolutely refuse to sleep inside." Jean said to Scott.  
  
"Well they will be fine. They are at least on the mansion grounds, right?" Jean nodded. "Besides, Logan can take care of himself--even in this state--and he can take care of Jubilee too. Don't worry about them. They'll be fine."  
  
"If it rains--"  
  
"They'll get wet Jean. Now don't worry. Just think of it as camping, only closer."  
  
*******  
Outside...  
Where Wolverine and Jubilee sit beside a small fire, not too far from the garage on the opposite side of the mansion as the boathouse where Scott and Jean lived...  
  
"...and that bit with poking the steak before you ate it was great."  
  
"Only for you darlin', only for you."  
  
"Even eating it off of your claws? Come on Wolvie, you do that anyway, sometimes. I've seen you." Jubes prodded.  
  
"Alright kid ya got me, I do. But only for you when I'm eatin' in front of others."  
  
"So what're we gonna do tomorrow?" Jubilee asked.  
  
"I don't know darlin' this is your game. I'm just playin' along with ya. You tell me."  
  
"Well, I've never been feral before. I thought you could give me some pointers."  
  
"For one, ya grow out of it."  
  
"Eventually, but not tomorrow, kay? I'm havin' too much fun, and spring break will be over in a couple of days. Just one more, please?"  
  
"Alright darlin' one more day."   
  
"Now what would really annoy them" Jubilee thought out loud.  
  
"Lets mark our territory" Logan grinned.  
  
"Wolvie, you don't mean..."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"You know I don't think I'm really into that. Is there some other way to do that, without you know, bodily fluids?"  
  
"For me there is. Claw marks here and there, a little hair--"  
  
"Hair? You have some to spare, I don't really wanna rip mine out of my head you know. Can I just you know, paff stuff? Leave burn marks?"  
  
"All right, but this is your game Jubes. I thought you'd actually wanna play." Wolvie said and exhaled.  
  
"I wasn't planning on getting abducted by the subject of my documentary, and well, initiated."  
  
"That wasn't initiation, kiddo." He smirked at her. "You're not old enough to be 'initiated'." She glared at him. "At least not by me."  
  
"Then what was all that 'Me Logan Jubes mine' stuff about, huh?"  
  
"That, Jubes, was playin' King Kong. Beast grabs the prettiest girl around and runs off with her. I can't help it if the prettiest girl around ain't old enough."  
  
"Not old enough? I'll show you who's not old enough." And with that Jubes pounced into Logan's lap.  
  
"So you wanna wrestle huh?" Logan said and rolled backwards off of the log he'd been sitting on, taking Jubes with him. As he landed he planted each limb around her, and one of her wrists in each of his hands, so she was trapped in like a cage, with her back to the ground. "Haven't we been here before?" Logan asked as he brought his face down close to hers and began chuckling and sniffing.  
  
"I didn't say anything about wrestling you big lug." She kissed him lightly on the lips.  
  
He drew back just enough to pull away from her. "Jubes. Thanks kiddo, but let's play at something else." He stood up and then offered her a hand. She took it silently, just looking at him. "Don't brush yourself off, if we're playin' animal, might as well look the part." She nodded, still speechless. "Ready to do some markin'?" Jubes grinned as Logan, well, SNIKT.   
  
***  
"Don't you think we should check on them? I mean they're sleeping outside." Bobby asked.  
  
"No, mon ami, dey be safe. De Wolverine, he can take care of his woman. Even when he is feral. Oui, dey are both feral." Gambit's hand froze halfway to the cigarette in his mouth. He looked up at Bobby, who was in shock looking back at him.   
  
They both bolted out the door at the same time, getting tangled in the door frame.   
  
"Emma's gonna kill me!"  
  
***  
  
SNIKT  
PAFF  
SNIKT  
PAFF  
  
"What should we hit next, Wolvie?"  
  
"That building over there." He said pointing with his claws.  
  
"But isn't that the boathouse, where--"  
  
"Yep. Let's go give Scooter a scare."   
  
***  
"Jean!" Scott whispered harshly from the darkness of their bedroom. "Do you hear that?!"  
  
"My God, Scott... It sounds like a bear! Scratching at the house!"  
  
"Oh, jeez!" he shouted, "Healing factor or no, Logan can't handle a bear! Not with Jubilee to protect!"  
Scott scrambled out of their bed and ran outside, oblivious to the fact that he had on Casper the Friendly Ghost boxers. Jean was right behind him. "That poor little girl!" she said.  
  
Scott threw open the front door of the boathouse and ran around to the window near the bedroom. What he saw was hairy and feral and clawed, but it weren't no bear.  
  
"LOGAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!"   
  
Feral Man turned to look at Scott and growled, dropping to a defensive stance.   
  
"Oh my God! My new red shutters! My prize rose!" Jean cried in horror. The shutters were covered with claw marks and every perfect bloom on the rose bush was burnt to a crisp. She looked at Logan, eyes burning. "That's IT! GET HIM, Scott!!"  
  
Scott was preparing to pounce on Logan when a voice from the roof rang out.  
  
"Ahhh, ahahahaa, ahhh, ahahah, aaaa!!!!!!" came Jubilee's Tarzan call. "Hurt my mate and die, white man! Me Jubes of Rooftop!" She leapt off the roof with glee and landed on Scott with a loud Wumph!  
  
"Jubilee! Get off me already! This has got to stop!" Scott thundered.  
  
Logan suppressed a laugh as he grabbed Jubilee from off of Scott and tossed the girl over his shoulder, like he'd done it a million times before.  
  
"MY mate, NOT white man's! You go play with YOUR mate!" Logan pointed at Jean, who crossed her arms and glared at him. Jubilee giggled as Logan ran off with her into the woods.  
  
Just then, Bobby and Gambit came running up.  
  
"What the heck happened here?!" screamed Bobby, as Gambit helped Scott to his feet.  
  
"Those little urchins are marking their territory," Jean said with a jealous tone in her voice.  
  
"I think we need to organize a hunting party before this goes any further," said Scott. "Wake the others. Those two are getting caged - tonight."  
  
From the edge of the woods all they could hear was feral yelling, punctuated with peals of hysterical laughter.   
  
"We'll pair off in teams of two. Gambit you go with Bobby, Rogue-- where's Rogue?"  
  
"Umm, she wasn't feeling too well after dinner." Jean said sheepishly.  
  
"Why? What's wrong? She's not manifesting random powers again is she?" Scott asked.  
  
"Not exactly, well not totally random powers."  
  
"And Storm? Where is she?"  
  
"Storm wasn't feeling well before dinner and she took some, well a lot of Nyquil. Consider her out of commission for a while." Bobby said with a chuckle and a grin at Jean.  
  
"Is there something I'm missing here?" Scott asked, turning to look at his wife who was conspicuously quiet.  
  
"Rogue touched Storm earlier this evening, and well now she's sick and high on Nyquil too. Out like a light." Jean said while looking at her feet.  
  
"Oui, an' de femme can snore too." Gambit laughed. "But no tellin' dat I said dat."  
  
"Is there anyone else available? Beast?" Scott asked.  
  
"He went with the Professor to the genetics conference." Bobby said.  
  
"ArchAngel?"  
  
"Out pouting after he broke up with Betsy. He left his pager here."  
  
"Psylocke? Thunderbird?"  
  
"Together for the weekend. In the Bahamas."  
  
"Is there anyone else here?"  
  
"I'm here." said a voice from behind the crowd gathering in the ready room. Bobby's spine turned to ice, and his mutant powers had nothing to do with it.  
  
Emma Frost stepped up to the table. "I'd love to help."  
  
Bobby swallowed.  
  
"Right." Scott said. "Two teams then. The White Queen will join Gambit and Iceman. The two Psi's will keep us in contact. Remember that the goal here is to capture the two ferals, without injury, especially Jubilee."  
  
"She has a math test tomorrow." Emma said menacingly narrowing her eyes. "And my camcorder."   
  
Gambit, Bobby and Frost headed toward the woods going the same direction as the escaped ferals were last seen.   
  
"I cannot believe that Jubilation did this! I never should have agreed to let her take that film class at NYU last winter. I just wonder how she managed to get to Canada on her own!"  
  
"Non, Chere, she din' get der alone. Bobby an Gambit drove de jeep an'-"  
  
His words were cut short by Bobby's elbow in his gut.  
  
Emma stopped her tirade and glared at Bobby.  
  
"You and I are going to have words later."  
  
***  
Meanwhile, up a tree deep in the woods...  
  
"Jubes, what the heck did ya put in these things?" Wolverine sniffed his Super-Soaker and eyed the red sloshy liquid. She watched him mischievously from her perch on the branch next to his.   
  
"Extra-strong Cherry Kool Aid," she grinned wickedly. "Frosty hates being sticky."  
  
He shook his head at her, smiling. "Man... why'd I let you talk me into this?"   
  
"Cuz ya LOVE me, that's why!" Jubilee gave him a big kiss right on his lips and jumped out of the tree. Looking up at his surprised face, she whispered harshly, "Just remember, ditch the gun and run away before they can catch ya. Ferals ain't supposed ta use weapons. I'll meet up with ya at the cave, 'kay?" She grinned and took off in the direction where Frost was heard chastising Bobby. Logan watched her bounce away. It didn't take much to make Jubilee happy, just as long as it involved him. He had to admit that he counted on her for that...  
  
"Guess that leaves me with One-Eye and Red." Wolverine smiled. He was looking forward to dousing Scott in a sugary liquid and running away.   
  
***  
Scott and Jean went into a tree lined path as Logan was sitting in a tree waiting.  
  
"Where are they?" Scott frowned.  
  
"I'll try and scan for their minds."  
  
As she said that a jet of red water came shooting out of the trees as both Jean and Scott looked up as they heard a primal scream from up above. "Feral ones 1! You guys 0!" He ran and ditched the gun.  
  
***  
Meanwhile...  
  
Jubes crouched behind a bush listening to the approach of three pairs of feet.  
  
"How far could they have gotten?" Bobby asked.  
  
Emma glared.   
  
"I mean she's just a kid ya know, and the Wolvmeister wouldn't let anything bad happen to her, right? Not in our own back yard, right? An' I have your camcorder safe in my room Emma. So there's nothing to worry about right? Emma?"  
  
"Jubilee has been honing those latent telepathic abilities of hers again. I'm having difficulty reaching her mind."  
  
"But, chere, you can fin' her no?"  
  
"Eventually she will tire of hiding herself from me, and then either I will get through to her mind, or the two of you will locate her physically. She cannot keep up this evading on two levels. She's not a full psi."  
  
"Non, but she do have a full Wolverine wit' her."  
  
"Wolverine I can feel, but I'm certain they've split up by now?" Emma said.  
  
"How can you possibly know that?" Bobby asked?  
  
"I'm her teacher, I am supposed to know everything about her."  
  
"You didn't know she'd been honing her telepathic abilities." Bobby pointed out.  
  
Emma glared at him. As she turned back towards the woods and closed her eyes to focus she was doused in warm red liquid.   
  
Bobby laughed out loud, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. To which he received a mouthful of kool-aid and a mind jolt, before being fully doused as well. Gambit, leaning on the trunk of a nearby tree, just took another puff of his cigarette and smiled. As Jubes dropped the gun he caught it.   
  
"Ugh! Ew!"   
  
Bobby just swallowed and kept laughing.   
  
"Enough!" She yelled at him.  
  
Bobby iced up. Then Emma started laughing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're pink!"  
  
Bobby looked down. Indeed he was pink. "Yeah, but not for long. He made the ice brittle and broke it off before icing up again, white this time. "And I'm clean."  
  
Emma fumed.   
  
"Would you like me to do the same for you?" he asked.  
  
"No thank you. I'll do it myself." And she reached into Bobby's mind, familiar territory, and did just that.  
  
Once she was clean and had left Bobby's mind, hollered. "Hey! You can't do that! I was just trying to be nice!"  
  
Emma glared.  
  
Then they both noticed Gambit leaning on a tree, clean, and holding a super soaker still half full of red liquid.   
  
"How dare you! You filthy Cajun--"  
  
"Ah, non chere, Gambit jus' took dis from de petit, honest!"  
  
"Honest as a thief! If you took it from her, where is she?"  
  
"She drop de gun and ran dat way." He said pointing to the opposite direction he had seen her disappear to.  
  
Emma and Bobby took off running immediately after her, or so they thought. Gambit went stealthily the other way. "Jubilee, chere? Gambit wan' play feral too."   
  
Jubilee peeked at him from behind a tree, waiting until Emma was just enough out of psi-shot so that she could let her mental shields down, and speak to Remy.  
  
"Frenchman promise not to turn in Jubes and Wolvie of Mansion?"  
  
Gambit nearly jumped out of his skin and dropped the gun. "Sapristi! Petite, you scare de hell out of Gambit!!"  
  
She didn't move, and only eyed him from behind her tree trunk like a wary forest creature.  
  
"Oui, Chere... Gambit play like feral. Play like French feral..." he grinned, raising an eyebrow at her.  
  
She smiled, just for a second, then said, "Frenchman follow Jubes!" And she tore off through the woods towards the cave.  
  
Gambit left the super soaker where he dropped it and followed her.  
  
Luckily for Logan, Jean's anal-compulsive need to be clean overrode her desire for shutter-rose revenge, so she left Scott to the hunt and went home for a shower. Unfortunately for Scott, that left him without a Psi to find Logan. And   
  
Logan ditched him easy...  
  
Wolverine paced the cave.   
  
*Jubes shoulda been here by now. Maybe they caught her. If she's my mate, I should go and rescue her. She wanted one more day, I agreed to one more day...*  
  
He was just about to leave when Jubes came running in with LeBeau.  
  
"Jubes! Ya made it!" Logan smiled wide.   
  
"You bet I did, an' I brought reinforcements!"  
  
"'Ello, mon ami. Can Gambit be de wild man, too?!"  
  
Logan growled. "Just as long as ya get yer OWN mate, I ain't got no problem sharing my kills wit ya, Cajun."  
  
Jubilee blushed as Logan pulled her to his side possessively.  
  
"Gambit t'inks you two takin' dis game a lil' too serious," he laughed.  
  
From outside the cave they heard Bobby creeping around in the pitch black.  
  
"Dammit! That means Emma an' her Psi crap ain't far off. Jubes can push her off but you an' me got no defenses against it!"  
  
"Non, her and de Iceman split up!"  
  
"Hey... I got an idea..." Jubilee's eyes gleamed.  
  
Logan and Gambit looked at her, anticipating a devious plan. "I dunno what it is Darlin', but I like it already."  
  
"Well... didn't all them old Tarzan movies have the young, inexperienced English explorers ending up in a big cauldron... like they were gonna be soup for the natives? It's silly, but it'll scare the hell outta him! And I dunno about you guys, but I'm kinda hungry." She looked at them with such an evil grin they barely recognized her.  
  
"Let's do it!" shouted the men in unison.  
  
"Besides which, if we tie him up and just leave him here, he's sure to call out for Emma in his head, and she'll come running cuz deep down she still likes him, and we'll be long gone!"  
  
"Jubes..." started Logan, "It scares me sometimes the way your brain works these things out."  
  
"Cool, ain't it?!" She smiled at him.   
  
***  
"Emma!" Bobby screamed.   
  
"Ice boy make too much noise." Jubilee gagged him with an apple.   
  
*Emma!* Bobby screamed in his head.  
  
*What do you want, Drake?* Emma replied coolly.  
  
*Help.*  
  
*What?*  
  
*They've got me Emma! In a pot like they're really gonna eat me like a tribe of cannibals. Oh and Gambit's gone feral too. So, like, HELP!*  
  
*If I have to come bail your ice cubes out of every jam you get into you might as well at least let me have a joint bank account with you.*  
  
  
###########  
  
Meanwhile Jean in the shower heard the frantic cry for help and proceeded to tap in on the telepathic conversation.  
  
When she heard that last comment she dropped the soap and slipped in the shower landing hard on her buttukis.  
  
  
**WHAT?!?!** Bobby and Jean yelled back in unison.  
  
*Huh?* said the White Queen grasping for composure.   
  
*What did you say?* Bobby asked.  
  
*I said...that since I was saving your life all the time you should at least do my taxes for free and make sure to find all the loopholes so that I get refunds, accountant.*  
  
*Whew. I thought you were proposing.*  
  
*Me too.* Jean chimed in.  
  
*Jean! What are you doing in this conversation?*  
  
*I heard screaming in my head, I had to eavesdrop. Safety procedures you understand.*  
  
*Right. So why don't you come and help me free Bobby?*  
  
*Umm, Scott and I have run into a...sticky situation.*  
  
*Kool-aid? Yes we encountered that as well before Gambit became a turncoat and the three ferals caught Bobby.*  
  
*Well, um, I think you guys are on your own for the evening. I'm beat. Scott's still out there, he'll help you.*  
  
#########  
  
Meanwhile   
  
Scott having had his visor taken away by Wolverine was wandering blindly through the woods headed for the highway.  
  
  
#########  
  
"Bad ice ami! Don' freeze de stew we be cookin' you in no more!"  
  
"Gambit! Snap out of it!" Bobby said swallowing the last of his apple-gag. "You can't go feral! You're not like dat! I mean that. You like champagne and expensive things. Come on! Jubilee we understand, the little guy practically raised her, but you, no. You don't have any feral roots to go back to!" Bobby pleaded as Wolvie stirred the big pot.  
  
"Stop stirring me Wolvie! You're freakin' me out!" And Bobby froze the stew into ice cubes.   
  
"Dere's more t'ings can be done wit' stew dan jus' stirrin'." Gambit dropped his hand into the pot and pulled out a handful of vegetables, charging them and dropping them back into the pot one by one.  
  
Bobby screamed as they exploded, frantically trying to freeze them despite the growing flame beneath the pot.  
*EMMAAAAAA!!!!!!*  
  
"Freezing dem jus' delay de 'nevitable. Dey still 'splode."  
  
Bobby screamed again as Gambit's words proved true.  
  
"Not ev'yt'ing what it seem to be, mon ami." Gambit whispered to Bobby as he dropped the last of the vegetable bombs into the pot.  
  
*Emma? Dis is Gambit. I have 'nfiltrated de ferals camp, an' dey believe I am one o' dem now.*   
  
***  
"What in all tarnation? Ah feel like ah downed a half a bottle o' nyquil. Ah'm so numb. Ah don't even think Ah could fly. Damn, 'Ro honey, whatevah you got Ah'm glad it ain't catchy, lestaways not fer anybody but me. But then again Ah guess Ah was the danged fool who touched ya. What say we head on down to the kitchen fer some coffee?"  
  
"That sounds pleasant Rogue. I will join you."   
  
On the way down they bumped into Jean in bathrobe and full avocado face masque, with her hair in a towel and her arms wrapped around the family size salad bowl full of popcorn. They both had to do a double take before they recognized her.   
  
"Oh @#%$! I thought I was alone in the mansion. You guys scared the @#- I mean you scared me." Jean said upon encountering the two in the hall way.  
  
"Where is everyone?" Ororo asked.  
  
"They are out hunting Logan and Jubilee, and Remy now too I guess." And she proceeded to push past them.  
  
"What? Jean honey, what is goin' on?"  
  
Ten Minutes Later  
  
"We're goin' t' go help and so're you. You know what it means if Wolvie's gone feral again. And poor lil Jubes. They're all in danger if, well you know. So if you refuse to put your uniform on sugah, Ah'll have to take ya as is." Rogue insisted.  
  
Jean crossed her arms over her chest and glared from under drawn eyebrows.  
  
"Rogue is right, Jean. You are being selfish." Ororo added.  
  
No change from Jean.  
  
"All right then sugah, ya leave me no choice." And Rogue grabbed her and flew rather unsteadily out the door with Storm behind her, and Jean still pouting.   
  
***  
"De other femmes are comin' Logan. Forget de Popsicle, he no harm no one. Dey be more fun, non?"  
  
"I like the way you think, Cajun."  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"We don' want to lose any hostages, so make sure he's not goin' anywhere and we'll let you take frosty."  
  
"Really?" Jubes nearly squealed. "This just keeps gettin' better."  
  
"Well you better enjoy it while ya can kiddo, they ain't never gonna let ya get away with playin' this game again." Logan said.  
  
Suddenly Remy realized what was going on. *Emma! Dis is Gambit.*  
  
*I know who it is, you Cajun excuse for an idiot. What do you want? I'm almost to the ferals camp.*  
  
*Is all a game chere. Nobody's really feral, dey jus' playin' is all.*  
  
*Are you sure?*  
  
*Dey both jus' said so demselves. Be easy on dem.*  
  
*You do your part and I'll do mine.*  
  
"Gambit, what are you doing?, I mean Cajun, what doing?" Jubilee asked looking at Gambit who had his eyes closed and was concentrating on what appeared to be nothing. "You look constipated, I mean you look like you ate too many chickens and not enough greens."  
  
"That definitely looks like he's telepathically communicatin' with somebody outside o' camp Jubes. The Cajun's a spy! Get 'im!"  
  
Jubes dove for him, but only caught him in the knees as he was starting to run away. He didn't get far. Jubes wrapped herself around one of his legs, sitting on his foot, and held on for dear life, even biting into his calf. Wolvie caught him by the neck with one hand and popped a claw with the other.  
  
"I thought it was odd that you would notice the girls comin' before me. You been head-talkin' t' Jean the whole time haven't you?" Wolvie said.  
  
"NON! NON! Gambit swear!"  
  
"Then frosty, huh? And she's on her way with the others. What do we do with him Wolvie?"  
  
"The same thing we do to all traitors, Jubes, but not until after we deal with the next front. Tie him up and leave him in the pot with ice boy. And Jubes, tie them together, you know what I mean." Wolvie handed her the rope.  
  
Wolvie and Jubes walked farther back into the woods to discuss their plans out of earshot of their new captives who were left tied chest to chest, with Gambit's hands tied in place cupped around Bobby's buttukis to prevent his mutant power from aiding his or his comrade's escape.  
  
"You were faking the whole time! I got singed by some of those explosions!" Bobby could be heard yelling at Gambit's ear, which was only inches from Bobby's mouth.  
  
"All right, kiddo. You take frosty, leave the ladies to me. When you finish with her you can join me."  
  
"But how are you gonna take Jean, Rogue and Storm all at once?"  
  
Logan smiled. "I'm not. I'm gonna let 'em take each other. Besides, Storm's not feelin' too good, and thanks to that game o' chinese frisbee in the dining room neither is Rogue."  
  
"What about Jean?"  
  
"I still have this." Wolvie held up Scott's visor. "She may be a telepath, but she's easy as hell to distract if ya know how."  
  
"You really are the best Wolvie."  
  
He reached over and scruffed her hair. "You know it kiddo."  
  
***  
*Block my mind-block my mind-block my mind.* Jubes thought as she sat up in the tree and waited for her teacher. It wasn't long before she heard muttered curses and what sounded like a lame camel hobbling through the underbrush.  
  
"Maybe you shoulda changed outta those stilettos before you decided to join the rescue the ferals campaign. You in Wolvie and Jubes territory now, queenie." She said and silently crawled to another position as Emma followed the sound of her voice to where she had been.  
  
Emma tramped over branches grateful that she didn't have to buy what she broke, feeling a lot like the proverbial bull in a china shop. She stopped to fish out the leaves and twigs and...things that had fallen into her cleavage while traipsing through the woods in her favorite corset, all the while muttering and cursing under her breath.   
  
Jubes dropped out of the tree from nearly fifteen feet up and landed on Emma's back, rope in hands.   
  
*Block my mind-block my mind-block my mind. I am in control of me, not frosty. I am in control of me not frosty.* Jubes kept thinking as she dragged frosty back to the pot.  
  
"I will say this for you child, your shields have greatly improved. IF this were a Danger Room exercise, you would be getting very high marks. But since it is not, I will personally see to it that your hide is tanned by the time you return to the academy."  
  
"Whatever frosty. Now assume the position."   
  
"Stop wiggling and I mean it Cajun!" Bobby whined behind them.  
  
"You must be joking, Jubilation."  
  
"Puh-leez! It's Jubilee!" and she paffed Emma's behind, singing the leather off of her pants, showing an expanse of tiger striped chonies. "Don't make me paff the rest."  
  
Ten Minutes Later  
  
Jubes went to join Wolvie leaving behind her the three captives tied shoulder to shoulder to shoulder and chest to chest to, eh, chest to chest, each with one hand on one buttock of the other two.  
  
"Emma chere, you have good taste in lingerie, non?" Gambit said craning his neck to look.   
  
She dug in her finger nails. "Shut up Cajun. You just wait until I get out of this."  
  
"Gambit is smold'ring wit' anticipation, non chere?"  
  
"Oh shut up. And you stop looking too Drake!"  
  
"What?"  
  
***  
Jubes silently crept up behind Wolvie.   
  
"Finished already? I haven't even started on the ladies."  
  
"So what's it look like big guy?"  
  
"It looks like it's time for a little ole fashioned spark and slash. You ready?"  
  
"Do you have claws?!"  
  
Wolvie chuckled. "Just checkin'. First blind the fliers and drop all three to the ground, then head off into the thick brush with this." He handed her Cyke's visor. "Make Red follow ya, and lose her. She ain't too excited about this by the looks of her. She should be easy pickin's."  
  
"Ugh! Are you sure that's Jean?"  
  
"I can smell her under all that crap smeared on her face. Barely, but I can. It's her all right. Okay kid, you start the show."  
  
Jubes made a light show then bolted for the trees. She screamed for Jean, made a bunch of red paffs and tossed the visor out of the brush, right in front of Jean who for the second time tonight landed hard on her buttukiss when Rogue dropped her as the three tumbled from the sky.  
  
Jean rubbed her now quite sore behind as she searched her psychic rapport for Scott's thoughts and picked up on his mass confusion. *I'm coming for you darling, just hang on.*  
  
Jubes sustained a giggle fit as she kept running deeper and deeper into the woods spouting red paffs everywhere.  
  
Meanwhile Wolvie dove on Storm as she fell not far from Rogue. He picked her up and carried her over to where Rogue landed. Shaken from the rough landing, Storm didn't realize that Wolverine wasn't helping her and he grabbed her hand and held it against Rogue's face.   
  
In seconds Storm was out like a light and Rogue was totally disoriented...and so was the weather.   
  
Wolvie bolted for the brush, Rogue flying jaggedly behind him. She hit her head on a low branch, tripling the headache she inherited from Storm. In her uncontrolled anger lightning rained from the sky.   
  
But without a lot of practice her aim wasn't so good, and she ended up zapping herself, which only made her madder, thus more lightning and now hail.   
  
Wolvie just kept running following Jubes' scent. He came across Jean's too and chuckled at how easily she followed after Jubes' red paffs.   
  
When he caught her he said, "Jubes come on, let's head back."  
  
"Great you're gonna love what I did to frosty. She's in the pot with--"  
  
"Not camp Jubes, the mansion. I counted. It's empty now."  
  
"YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! House Party!"   
  
***  
"What can we do first? The house is all ours, and not a party basher in sight!" shrieked an overly excited Jubes who was saying this as she was on the counter digging into Betsy's secret stash of chocolate.  
  
"Whatever your little heart desires. This was your idea anyway." Wolvie replied eyebrow raised in a playful manor.  
  
"Let me see......"Jubes ponders, mouth full of devils food cookie.   
  
"First of all lets lock the facility down, so that no one can interrupt us"  
  
"Do you t'ink dat dis be a good move Chere?" said an agitated Gambit.  
  
"Like I said its yur party kid, lets get to work."  
  
Wolverine ran up to the mission control room and shut down the communications connected to the house except for the emergency access ones, while Jubilee in the meantime locked down all of the entrance points to the mansion downstairs while Gambit made sure to leave Storm's skylight open upstairs as he locked down everything else.  
  
They met up back in the kitchen.  
  
Jubilee bounced in, "All done downstairs."  
  
"I've got that Shiar system surrounding the place lock down and communications nixed except for the emergency frequency, Darlin"  
  
"Great!" bubbled Jubilee, "Now for the party"  
  
"So, now that we got the house all to ourselves, what do you want to do?" Jubilee asked, munching on a bag of potato chips. Wolverine shrugged, helping himself to a beer from Gambit's secret stash.  
  
"I dunno. This was your idea. You think about something." Jubes thought hard. What was there to do now that everyone was out of the mansion? Well, there was all of Rogue's clothes she could try on, they could set a booby trap in Bobby's room as payback for the last prank he pulled on her, and no telling what they could think of doing with Gambit's room for turning traitor on them. Instead of telling Wolvie out loud, she just shrugged and looked at him.  
  
"I dunno. What do you want to do?"  
  
"I dunno, what do *you* want to do?" he countered with a grin.  
  
" I've got it", exclaimed Jubilee after much deliberation.  
  
"Let's watch the tape!"  
  
She was beaming at Wolverine.  
  
"Problem, Darlin, where is the tape?"  
  
Jubilee smugly pulled the tape out of the stomach of her suit turned Jane of Jungle outfit.  
  
"Hoo," said Wolvie with a low whistle.  
  
"How'd you snag that from Emma's deathgrip on the video camera?"  
  
"She dropped it when I paffed her behind, so I quickly removed this tape and replaced it with another one that I left on play, just in case it gave me something good to blackmail A's out of ol' Frosty."  
  
Jubilee was now grinning evilly, and Wolverine was almost worried by what he saw.  
  
"So, what do ya say `mate'?"  
  
"Like I said `mate`, its yer show."   
  
"Everyone's Favorite Blue and Furry Mutant Scientist has returned! Accompanied by the bald rich guy who pays for everything and reads minds. Boy is it good to be home!" Beast shouted as he bounded in the door with his bags and the prof's, followed by the prof in his "normal people" wheel chair.   
  
"Yes, Hank, I understand your joy. Conventions are fun, but as the ruby slippered girl says, 'there's no place like home.'" The professor chucked, then both he and Hank froze. Wolvie and Jubes were cuddled up on the couch surrounded by candy wrappers and beer bottles. It looked like Storm had discovered how to make it rain popcorn...indoors. And playing on the television was the strangest movie he'd ever seen. It looked like a cross between the crocodile hunter and Tarzan starring Wolverine and Jubilee. Wolvie raised one finger to his lips then pointed down at Jubes lightly snoring on his chest. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you sleeping?"  
  
"Naw, Chuck, just noticing how much the inside o' my eyelids looked like the Sistine Chapel. Who could sleep through Big Blue's racket? Well, except Jubes?"  
  
Hank whispered, "My apologies oh mighty clawed one. My jubilant return would have been a silent one if I had known you were sleeping."  
  
"Did everyone retire for the evening?" The Prof asked cautiously. I sense their presences close."  
  
"Yes, where is the Welcome Wagon? A party of two where half of that is sleeping is a little disappointing, even for yours truly." Hank said.  
  
"They're around." Then Wolvie smiled and went back to sleep.   
  
  



End file.
